Days

I've been going about many things, to a point where it has already become a habit. Sometimes you just feel weird or empty when you act silly for a day. I don't know where is this coming from but all im seeing now is the half setting sun. The now rising tides, the disappearing moon and those bugs that cricks at night. As time goes by, so slowly, and time can do so much. What is it that all life seeks to pursue, what are those things in which we dream of, the type of virtual reality that empowers our drives, calms our fear and feeds us energy? Those mishap never seem to end, yet its because of those mishaps i've learnt never to give up. Had my mini olympics in the store today, "panting" as i struggled to get all that polos back in their places.

Somehow i feel, persistency is the thing im missing....

Summer 2009

Finnys Birthday

Went out with finn tonight, got a priceless expression from him. The way he reacted to the cock band and some condom stuff in a tube thing. Oh ya, met Aizzudin too; cool guy. Finn was making fun of me trying to convers in BM with Aizzudin all the way. Banana split was what we ate after dinner. Well happy birthday finn, had a wonderful night as usual. PEACE OUT.

Its all in the head.

I find myself contemplating this picture a lot. Perhaps out of that hundreds, this made the impact. Most likely the color and most definitely the composition of this picture; it just brings me places. My days used to start out with a clear starry sky. Without obstruction of clouds, perhaps. But now, heaven sees my head more than it sees my arse. Working again; im sure some may have already known. I miss the times, i miss the days, and i miss the type of life i've never been able to lead. But, hey i miss some part of myself too. Everyone misses something, and right now, im missing the times where i used to know exactly what song to listen to during those fucked up times. Now, im scrolling through my itunes trying to get something out of it. Some feelings for me to emo about. Some things for me to think about. I've never felt so blank before, and this may just be the first time im yearning for something to puzzle about.

Barely Legal

Moving on, now im barely legal. As the light shone vividly, it was night in another world. Constant screams that echoed in a chaotic world; hope seem so pointless. Only left 4 to die, struggling impossibly to get back at those half degenerated foul smelling bodies that ran as though they drank galleons of Red-Bull. That was how i spent my eighteenth birthday, in a virtual somewhat realistic world shooting zombies and taking turns to claw the survivors as zombies. Fun-filled day, inspired alot of excitement. And not forgeting a very big thanks to all those who took the effort to spend my day with me, not forgetting your wishes too. Nites everyone, may the stars bless and grant you the ability to survive if at all the world were to be infested with zombies; if and only if. Heck, im really influenced by the game...

Happy Birthday!

Eighteen years a day like this,
not knowing the heaven or the earth
His eyes closed with a smile on his face
A story written since his birth

The roads may twist or damn
Yet with a heart not knowing fear
Now adjusting his buckles like a man
While his eyes filled with joyful tears

Of bitter sweet times since then
Nothing without it a good tale
Grown with destiny in his hand,
May the coming days be filled with hale...

Dark

The lights dimmed, the air weighed. A million eyes pictured the world, and now a big puzzle. Waiting to be solved, pieces found along the streets that accompanied the footsteps. When will the road end, i dare not say yet it will end someday that's for sure. Street lamps too dimmed, encountered many known dead-ends deep behind that alley. Yet, hope was what carried the young adventurer through; foolishly to fool's end. Matter of life and death yet to highers a game of monopoly. Of all such twisted lame ideals, may there be some fun in it or at least, worth the time wasted.

Psychology

Never really did expect to do psychology. I'm happy i found my way through all that mass confusion; it's not easy i'll give you that. Emo- music playing in the background, not for the sake of trying to blend in the all so emo atmosphere yet rather its just for the sake of trying to soothe my nerves. My body's almost at its limit, im feeling a fever somewhere....

Living in a Fantasy

My eyes rolled as i heard the lame news. I woke up at 6.30 today, early? Wait till you hear the P.M that comes behind it. Been getting a lot of recommendations to take up psychology; they say i have natural talent and i'm totally cut out for it. Beats me, though i know im yearning for my fridge to click again. Muffin peed, i screamed and growled. Weeping as i cleaned the massacre on the floor. More and more, im feeling myself attached to this particular dog. It's weird. Kingdom Hearts playing in the background, i dreamt of my own perfect fantasy world once again. Be heading to Alex house later; thats if at all i manage to wake up for anything. I need to go swimming, already. Do something productive; though as a wise teenager used to say, rotting is healthy, its what we do; its in the blood. Nah, words of comfort. I believe in nothing.....and YAY! my fridge finally clicked!

Eyes filled with a Longing

Seemingly filled with wonders,
time left loneliness in its place,
Every shiver, every hunger
unwritten on his face.
yet his eyes,
filled with so much emptiness,
longing to fly;
to feel that happiness once again....

Always wondering...

There i was, sitting by the window. Looking at the rain drops falling to the ground, there were a short moment of sadness somewhere but i can't seem to recall. Day by day, the people around me seems a little further away. Was it time or things that has brought them to that, or was it just themselves? There has to be a little contradiction somewhere, that has to be it. After all, they are living a healthy life, to most. Yet, more and more i feel as if the sky is about to fall. Busy with their lives maybe, they are forgetting or simply have no mood left after all that hassle. Having a drink or two without strict bookings used to be a tradition among close friends. Guys, update already. Im pissed, i don't know why. Im sad, i don't know why either. Its just i never really write about my happy moments much, i rather show them and hide the sad ones here....

Milk and Muffin

Milk

Muffin

Weird day today, the arrival of two young padawans, Milk and Muffin; boy and a gal. I guess its what they call a miracle when something delightful happens once in awhile, out of the blue. Constantly being tossed around hands, being unable to decide whose responsibility it was, i sighed at how useless our younger generation has become and took them both in (above). The sense of responsibility behind that cute face are always the very one thing kids these days fail to comprehend. I'm not sure where this sudden sense of righteousness and maturity came from, but i guess i'm just finally getting used to being 18. lol, well rock on my young padawans. May the blessings of whatever pretty be upon you, and please i bless you to pee outside not inside the house. Bless the days someone is to wipe your pee.. or clean your poo. And really, bless you for coming into my life; Milk and Muffin.

What a day

The night before, i was tossing myself around my bed. Of all nights, that was somehow the hardest to descend into slumber land. It was quite queer, especially that night. I felt nothing, yet i can't sleep. Maybe i did, but the feeling seems so alien especially recently. I'm not sure what i'm feeling anymore. Soon, it was dawn. The pressure of anticipation covered the atmosphere, it felt almost as if there's an ocean above the sky; it was that dense. The crowd gathered slowly, more an more familiar faces appeared. There were those which i have no absolute interest in interacting with, and those in which i never thought i would be talking to again. Its weird to see how short a three month period could make such big changes, not just physically; no, i bet mentally too. The results came, the air lifted, now taken over by screams that pierced ear drums. There were laughters and tears among all that madly mixed demotional filled up atmosphere, i was there feeling nothing. *Laughs, maybe everything was expected. I passed my BM apparently, enough to go where i want to go. Somehow i can't help but to feel a little bit empty somewhere. I know, its weird.....

Never ending "CornFlakes"

I screamed, cause the fridge clicked again. There isn't a single mosquito in sight, i'm worried. The times of innovation has finally come. The world is reshaping, well at least the world i'm in, the world i see. Watchmen is an utterly boring show that brings nothing but needless butt cramps over that ridicuously long time length which only leaves me sighing "I just wasted 3 hours of my life..."
Though it may suck like a vacum cleaner powered off nuclear energy; its moral of the story never ceases to remind me so much of some strange ideals that someone i know very well used to have. Though, in a very different form. The idea of believing that the world can only be saved through pain, or simply destroying it. Afterall, if theres nothing left, there will just be nothing. Humans, are such pathetic creatures. They will never be able to understand each other, not unless they've learnt true despair. Emotions, feelings; they all lead to another and finally serving as the reason and passion of ones judgement. Judgement day to the way i see it, will be in the hands of humans; suffice to say, that may just be the true meaning of free will; having the power to decide. The world will end someday, hopefully they will learn the meaning of pain before it does.
Maybe at least, there be true peace having being nothing left.....

Adventures in KL

From Bukit Bintang to Times Square, from Times Square to Low Yat mall, from Low Yat mall to
Pavillion, From Pavillion to KLCC, and lastly Amcorp mall. From evening till night, and now im finally home. Sure the day was entertaining. Operation LALA bag failed, guess the time will come when it be found and bought by me. The night grows weary, soon it be dawn. My insides exhausted, lost focus to the point where even Celine Dion sounded out of tune. Well, thanks... i loved today.

The late late nights...

Possibilities of non-existence, finally had Norah Jones and her blues back on my radio. The night is still young, for me at least. Fridge being silent tonight, im feeling unease. Hungry for supper, yet my stubbornness or laziness is refraining me from fulfilling my tummy's call. I'm prompt to lose my way in all that high keys, the blues and the jazz. Though i'm glad i found my way back thanks to a drunk. I feel the rhythm, the will in me. I'm aware once again, of the difference between; like night and day, heaven and earth. I'm aware once again, of my resolve. My cigarette by the ashtray, lit. Im calling for help, beneath that darkness and all that messy feelings. I FOUND MY WAY.

Back and inspired by the toilet bowl.

Inspired by my toilet bowl, now im finally back. Constantly replaying songs from my I-tunes, staring at cutes on friendster; the sky pours and the sun hidden from view. My life seems back on fool's end. Its my first day today, free from all stresses except from the fact that i'm not rotting enough. There are alot of things i wanted to know, at the same time there are alot of things i held dear that others have no complete idea of. Thats life and it's been awhile since Norah Jones and her blues last sang to my lonely nights. Im content, yet trying hard to disassociate myself from the rest of the world.

I wish to bring you the stars that shines,
to the edge of the universe,
And see a smile form to say I'm fine.
Even till the heavens burst,
and words don't ryhme....
i will be here to say these words to you,
"YOUR MINE."

Just the same...

Time hasn't been at all kind to me lately. Now that im finally back to blog; expecting for something new, yet its the same old shit again. Hoping was never really a thing for me, after letting out it should at least feel abit more comfortable. But it didn't i wonder why? Thoughts and endless guesses, feelings that concludes those are now gone alright, taken over by something else now. Those sharp tingling pain making their way down to your toes and up again. What was i thinking, fate has never been kind to me; never once. Yet, tonight for the first time in my life, i was hoping that it did. It's weird im drinking again...

Paused awhile for some inspirations. I guess i just have to close it up once again. Opening was definitely a bad idea. Look at me now, a desperate soul wishing to forget. No, dying to... my blogs getting kinda stupid, now that i think of it. Im rather emo with my entries. Its almost about time to stop...

Down with sickness...

Finally down with a fever, suspected of dengue again. The aches on my bones never seems to go away, the heaviness in my head. I think im officially going kook. Haven't been able to find time to sit back and relax with a cup of tea in hand, all those made me forget that i had a life lifestyle will soon come to an end. It ever seems so likely that things or time passes real slow when you actually found an objective or a goal to look forward to. The suspense they say, but its killing me as it should. Shooting zombies on my comp, trying hard to master those head shot techniques. Ever wondering, how would it be like if the world somehow got infested by zombies, and your one of the only few remaining survivors thats immune to the deadly strain of virus; somehow. Armed with only a handgun, bullets are obviously limited. I believe those hard trained head shot only techniques would be put to good use. Though, surprisingly it seem kinda cool in a way. Beats me, but like i said, im going kookoo....

Catching up on a TEENAGE life!

Tonight, the lights flashed by on the streets; it had robbed partially of my vision. Considering that i already have such poor night vision capabilities, very similar to the aftermath of using a Mangekyou. What am i to do? Im suppose to hand over my resignation letter soon, that day will come swift. My last days at work. I've have been missing out badly, now trying desperately to recliam my long awaited teenager lifstyle. Yet, i may be once step too late. Started work straight after that dreadful exam. While the rest enjoyed their moments before college, i worked and lived a life having a taste of the future. Still trying not to think too much, the overload of data transmitting through brain nerves can prove disastrous especially to a TEENAGER who drinks kinda often. While the rest of the world prayed for world peace, i prayed that my beer-belly days never come. Its kinda disappointing to see what a narcissist i have become; yet its those online friends networks' to blame. Facebook, friendster. Clearly its breeding a world of narcissist, explains the rapid decline of the Economy as well as the rapid climb of our global temperature. Everyone's getting just too hot, and soon nature will have her way of cooling us down; and so we shall see..... ^^