Timera, Oblion and Ultime...

The reason behind every happening, lost within that smile. Looking back at the calendar, surprisingly my "just started working experience" has come about to almost a month already. Im still learning and growing by the day, its amazing how time never stops or even take a pit-stop near mercy. Slowly realizing how powerful time may be, and now i see time itself, in form of a few powerful and worthy individuals in which i name, Timera; of absolutely divinity, Oblion; the heartless and last but not least Ultime; the immortally invincible. The three has their own specific qualities. Timera, just as how it's nick explains, its of absolutely divinity. So pure and divine, untainted by anything, uncorruptable. No-matter how men tried to obtain or conquer it, it remains unreachable, untouchable. Such distinguished qualities are those that i need in my journey no matter which path im destined to take. Im amazed and in awe. One that possesses divinity must be acompanied by a merciless nature fit to rule any that comes before it. Oblion the heartless shows no mercy upon anyone, or anything. Its inhuman nature serves him beyond the grasp of even men themselves. Oblion may just as well be the most fearsome of the three, undoubtely fear arises even unknowingly when time ticks by; awaiting by the moment to pass judgement. Ultime, may be the most powerful of them all. Undying, indestructable. It acts as a vessel to pass on judgement, powered by a merciless heart fit to rule in divinity; or so to say Divine Judgement. Time, heartless in nature, weilds divinity as its blade to strike upon divine judgement and immortality and invincibility as its shield, a powerful opponent to oppose yet a worthy icon to learn from...

A blue blue Christmas....

The Christmas choir singing, by the streets the bells jingled and lights blinked. I saw the comfort behind that dinner table filled with candles, of joys and laughter. I hope it rains that day, it would be a bonus to my imagination of how my blue Christmas would be like. By Starbucks with a cup of tea, trying hard to steal maybe a portion of that comfort; at least through my imagination. All i want for Christmas is a bottle of alcohol and you in my dreams....

Puzzle pieces.

The song now sung,
The sun now sets,
The light now fades,
The wind now whispers,
The road now barred,
The skies now damped,
And the puzzles now complete.

Nostalgia

A sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past; inevitably I'm suffering from Nostalgia. The hard cold facts learned from recent time consuming activities made my life somewhat easier to live. Short-lived humans maybe, but they never ceases to surprise me in what amazing things they can do despite their very short life-span. Humans are such peculiar beings, each and everyone different and queer in their own specific ways yet somehow similar. Massaging my hair with passionate shampoos everyday wishing for a speedy growth. Days passed on and on, more and more i find myself descending ever deeper into senselessness. I'm clearly losing my sense of time, unaware of how quickly time has passed yet that eternal feeling slowly resides within me. Secretly yearning for an apple to drop on my head like how it did on Isaac Newton. Maybe i would be able to finally theorize something meaningful for myself. Such a small world yet seems so big in reality.
Someday the dream will end, hopefully someday my demons too will end...

Someday The Dream Will End

A long time ago, there was a place known as the safe havens. One big piece of land that was guarded by eye of heaven, hugged by the calmness of the ocean. When the wind blew, the trees would whisper and dance, while the grass hissed; harmonizing as though playing in an orchestra. The clear blue skies accompanied by the flapping of the wings of flocks of birds signified freedom in enchantment. A world filled with so peace or so known as the "Promised Land." Being in such a perfect world or just maybe too perfect, the world that belonged soon fell apart. Devoured by war, their meaningless fights to so call prevail peace; yet its chaos they seek. Many pleaded for this nightmare to end, but or so to say, this is just a dream. Every life to every breath we take; who knows it may just be an illusion or dream of another. Yet Someday the dream will end.

Guide the world to ruins
solidify their hate as one,
Cast chaos by the crimson moon,
Play the harmony with the sun,
Flap your wings and fly,
to the distant lands,
Where none can see with their eyes
Come Forth Oh Orchestrion
Build a new world with your harmony..
oh Orchestration

The place i once lived in...

It seems like i haven't been blogging in proper English for some time already. Read Finn's blog just now, lol saw the post he did for the class; of the things there would be no more of. I thought i won't feel a thing and just let everything pass and let time do the rest. Somehow, after that last paper. I noticed a big difference in everything. Whether or not its important now, it just feels wierd. Im not gonna come up with a long list of whats no more of (thats really sweet finn thanks)
but i know theres one thing i can come up with, one very thing that i know there is gonna be a no more of. And that thing would be, THERE WILL NOT BE ANYMORE OF THOSE TIMES WHERE WE CAME TOGETHER IN THAT VERY CLASS; BE IT THROUGH WHATEVER MOMENTS, its no more.....

Just Rock On Guys! Live your dreams and carve it into reality!

The ever-changing and ever growing cycle.

Walking and standing guard around the area, seeking for time to pass on quickly while i tried to occupy myself with as many things as possible. The day slowly fade into night, one day's experience now comes to a halt, frozen in hibernation waiting for spring to come the next day; when night turns to day. Unknowingly, the fabric of time thickens with age; filling up the empty book of life. The stars finally starts shining, revealing their positions from the unknown; where destinies are being fulfilled and fates written. A-lot of things now seem unimportant as i took bites of my lunch during break, witnessing the passing of every life in their own special way; in their own special world. Amazing how the world was formed through fractals of different angles seen through different eyes, experience through different souls. Trying hard to refrain myself from falling asleep, fighting that drowsiness and waiting for supper to come. For those who may have felt as though things are being lost as they progress in life, or those who may have lost someone; its life...

The Six Paths

The world created in different dimensions, between each layer that made up time. Beyond the spaces that stored mysteries the naked-eye has never seen. For the survival and forever trapped in the cycle of life, to live and die that is.
Allocating souls around the center of the wheel of fates and destiny. Grant an eye that sees the 6 worlds, God realm, Demi-God Realm, Human Realm, Animal Realm, Demon Realm, Hungry Ghost Realm. To witness the truth hidden between the layers of time....

I see the end,

The end, the lights dimmed. Such complexion found under the orange sun, such laughter yet its just a dream. I love the days and the hours that passed like rain, the boredom and loneliness that kept me accompany. Why am i still yet so stubborn? Dancing by the river side, i see many men with masks. The crows and the sky played the rhythms; and here comes the ache in my back again... Don't i deserve more than this?

Donuts

The donuts filled with different taste, the green the blue the pink and the black. The sweet chocolate melts after the first bite, whats inside starts flowing to clothe your tongue in an urban delight. The Wars coming to an end, yet the numbered days seem far too a many or just too long. The little impatient me spend hours and hours of doing nothing; making empty promises to myself, speaking of how the battle would be won. I curse the days the hours took a hold of me, i cant believe my life is to end like this. The a lofting feeling is taking over my insides, yet strapped down by heavy weights. What am i to do?

In the rain.

I walked under the rain today. After history paper, i felt kinda heavy while my head spun. I remember cheering when i saw drops coming down from the sky; rain always has its soothing effects on me. The soft hue colors of the now setting sun, don't know why, the rain isn't cheering me up as i had expected it would. Taking the long route home, i detoured to one of the stalls south of my school. Bought a coke and continued walking through the park not far beside it. The trees seemed to move away before me; birds sat on telephone cables as if mocking me. The leaves fell and i heard weak hustles in the distance. Even the winds are talking; whats not to laugh about a fool? The roads, the houses, the pavement, the rocks, the stones and the dust; stood rather still and rather silent today. Everything around me seemed deserted and lonely; no, I'm the lonely one.....

Stars

My English essay today...

Stars, the tiny lights that filled the dark nights, sparkling and twinkling above the sky. After all, they were once known as the guardian angels of the night. Sitting by the window, i looked up to the starry night sky, wondering what mysteries lie beyond those sparkling eyes.
Living in a realistic world, i can't help but to find those twinkling stars my source of relaxation. being a man of dreams, the night sky filled with stars, motivated my dreams. Some say that the stars held memories and that every twinkle represented a piece of memory present in our hearts.
Come to think of it, the world began under the eye of heaven, guarded by the angels of the night. All that has happened from the beginning to the present, the sky had seen it all. The stars recorded them as witnesses to the events leading up to the modern world. Or so to say, they were the keepers of time.
For many years, looking up to the dark starry sky calmed me down and soothed my every nerves. Scientists claim that the stars are moving further away from us by the minute, even as we speak. Did the stars finally grow weary of our world or rather our time is running out?
Maybe its because that everyone is trying hard to move on; to forget the past. Forgetting the past literally meant risking to repeat it. Explains why the stars are losing their sparkle and slowly fading away.
Everything happens for a reason, if only we looked for the reason before judgment. But for a man like me, a cup of tea under the black starry sky and dreaming of a more peaceful reality was enough for one day.
I remembered once i was flipping through my book of astronomy, and that those tiny sparkles as seen to our naked eye formed galaxies of enormous size and that we are nearly invisible among the millions that formed the universe. It is definately a vast place beyond the limits of our imagination. I can't help but to wonder the possibilities of our existence in this big big universe and that possibly everything now are just nothing but mere illusions or imagination of another...

The First battle...

War drums rolled and stormed the atmosphere, smell of metallic blood filled the air. Thick smoke clouded the distant view; such desperate times. Arrows filled the skies, robbing it of its light, and the next thing you know; the sky was raining arrows. "ARCHERS ON THE EASTERN WALL!!!" Explosions arose dust that blurred visibility and thunderous earthquakes followed thereafter. Hacking through the never ending numbers, crossing swords; limbs and blood splattered. "HOLD THEM!! ARMAIA MUSTN'T FALL!!!! HOLD!!!" Beneath the walls, the never ending black waves continued to storm the walls. It was then, a particular one with a torch in its hand, it march steadily towards the eastern wall; their morales climbed while ours fade away. A flash of light, and a horrible jerk came from the ground. Big chunks of debris flew everywhere after a horrific roar; the eastern wall came tumbling down. "Fall back!! FALL BACK!!!" the soldiers cried in among their ranks "The courtyard is lost! Fall back and hold them there!!!" The battle continued; can we survive? Such words of desperation yet its only just the first day; afterall, the battle had just begun....

Can't Move....

The hours went away, drawing closer to the day; the day in which we call, the beginning of an end. Yet, my body is not functioning the way it should. Whats the cause of this sudden lack of motivation and mobility? Feeling my muscles dying as i lay on my bed, the skies above me spun around and i felt the weight of the world. Maybe, im just sad or pissed at whats been happening to me lately. Can i win? This war? It seems meaningless yet meaningful at the same time. Whats my reason to fight? What?!!

Speechless

untitled...

A Thousand Roses;
The colors the red sky fill,
Many hearts a broken song,
A rhyme long forgotten...
scents of the summer,
descends to days of a winter,
buds of may,
flowers and wine in dismay;
or such just a stage play?

A few hundred miles...

The dreams ended,
The skies faded,
But my love embedded.

The times when your sad,
the days when your mad,
what if i say there's always someone there,
a few hundred miles hoping to share?

So long our fates have turned,
That beating thing will never learn,
The cotton candies, coke and tea,
A few hundred miles away here a silly me.

Someday the dream will end,
but just hope the gods will let me sing till then...

Song For You

Dreaming...
of a chance to get closer to you,
Not sure...
If it was night or day without you.
Ticking,
that chocolate ice-cream melts away.

A moment left beyond the steps,
Can i cry without tears?
The keys remained black and white,
Why does it end sheared?

I play this song for you,
I sing this song for you,
Oh can you hear me?
The melodies calling out to you...

The petals still remained on the floor
Now soaked in my tears,
Our promises i kept poor...
Will i ever see or could i ask for more...

Now i sing this song for you,
Can you tell my love is true?
The times and things i did to you,
how i wish it wasn't true...
And now i lay silent in the rain,
drops shattering on my pain..
the darkness took me away
and the times just wont come again....

The soups turned cold,
yet my heart still warm;
Days without you
My Love for you will never fold....

Fates that intertwine...

"Sweet encumbrance chained in strings of memories;
desperately moving up and further beyond the steps of destiny.
The hours played the days and the skies drift from day to night,
stars shone from high and low; in a world that never sleeps.
In the beginnings of time,
pen in books of fate; the lives and just of many abide.
Cold wind whispers the songs of the night, singing of the wonders in darkness.
Those insignificant fools play silly from above,
yet love or pain that comes.
Aloft in pavements of primes, followed by weariness in the days of age.
Will that happiness last never ending?
Or beyond the stretch of sky, way beyond the depths of the sea.
When one is destined to find its pair; the game begins...
The gods may throw the dice, play the odds and their little games;
yet the lost is ours to bear...

'O' fates that intertwine,
made and forged upon a glass of wine;
In the universe bathed in stars,
Will the water flow give way;
or yet its just another game made by fools?
'O' fates that intertwine... "

A Sunday of Struggles;

Whether or not torn between oneself or the other; things just never seem ending. Heaven's been crying these past few days, and now finally the sun. As i wait impatiently for food, hunger headaches hit me hard on my head. What was it that i was searching for; all seems so unclear all of a sudden. I just can't remember them all. The weather felt rather cool today; yet maybe because i was in my room the whole day unaware. Mums not feeling all so well, definitely struggling. Walking on with not sense of direction or rather not knowing where im suppose to go. I need some distraction, looking for a big big tree in the green green plains, to lay beneath until the sun rests.

"In this sweet madness,
the song keeps on twisting;
Faraway in distant lands,
hours lay still unattended;
Come out 'o' night,
leave the light behind;
Bring forth the days and sing
The stars and all that blings.
Come out'o' night,
swallow the skies deep
leave the day behind;
and bring forth the valiant..."

Some cool pics....

Depressed in content

That heavy feeling of my heart weighing like a hundred tons, that feeling itself accompanied my day. Being look down upon, somehow i didn't know it would hurt, not that much at least. Through laughter and eyes hidden behind their teeth, yet all i did was acknowledge them with a smile and quiet i went till my day was over. The day seem merciless, sun kept its gaze upon me; burning me with its heat. I've never felt so down before, i don't hate them, instead its me myself i hate. The world was on- top of me today, even heavens. I thought my past made me hollow, but then again maybe its a good thing that i found yet some feelings inside of me. Don't know why, but my feelings of school being unnecessary grew somewhat stronger over the recent days; especially today. School may just be the polite word to describe whats inside of it; all so unnecessary. Well, it looks like my stupidity for once killed me; and look where i am now, desperately seeking you again. Saying, i need you.....chang

STARBUCKS!!!!

Life on the double lines;

Days coming to a bitter end, i lived my day with a grumpy grin. My heart cramped at the thought of him; nevertheless darkening my whimsical mood even more. The flowers that bloom not too early but never too late, or such at the right time. To others, its destiny; but to a tree that blooms, its time. Staring at the clear night sky, in the corner of your sight, a lamp post shone brightly, lighting the road; serving its purpose. Oh how i missed those days in which colors never seemed to fade. 

That floating feel of boring adventures; yep those were the days. It has been awhile since i last lifted my head to the sky, dreams of cotton candy, or sparkling stones; i don't do that anymore.....

Tea.

"Tea leaves scatter the bottom of a cup,

While the cap preserves the aroma of the tea;

Its wonders made mysterious of its pot,

a custom with deep history,

Or such which many failed to see.

Afterall, its just a simple tea,

and an interesting pot....."

Dreams Woke Me Up.

Those dreams woke me up. Thought i could have another early night and that finally just maybe my uneven sleeping time could finally be corrected. But then again, i had never thought for the dreams to be this strong. I was tossing myself around, underneath the blankets, it was then i decided it was enough. My minds drifting away too much, hoping and craving for things that did not matter. Now slowly sipping my cup of tea, my nerves are finally beginning to relax. Another day went by wasted, something is bothering me; and its affecting me slowly, bit by bit. What if i were someone else? 

........

Was it the unfrequent sleeping time or was it something else? My backs aching again; old scars. I forgot how many times i've searched the kitchen for something to bite yet im still in hunger. Been having weird weird dreams lately, maybe its a sign of something. Flowers that bloom late and scatter in the face of fall; im depressed.  These dreams involved someone, and it always leaves me in that dark corner every-time; yearning to see that someone again. When i looked, i can never see his face clearly. Thats depressing somehow, yet i know he may only just exist in my dreams. That comforting feeling, that i'll never be alone; i would do anything to feel that again, even for a moment. Friends, seemed unnecessary again. Alot of things comes to your mind eventually, especially when one's depressed. My days in the house kept me from the outside world, maybe its about time i take a walk outside. Breathe that cold morning air, bathe under that warm gaze of heaven. If you're ever coming into my life, just don't take too long.....  

Light Lights up Light,

Went un-inspired for a few days, finally be able to pen something down. The feelings great, like a thousand year old wine; the taste and aura generated upon its opening once again. I love the sunrise, seems like every things new again. Look forward to tomorrow for it is a mystery, and today is a gift which is why its called present. Jazz, playing yet again filling this now empty space with its jazzy colors; so soft yet sticky. Wonder what i was doing for the past few days, those days without anything at all in my thick thick skull. Cup of tea, by the window watching the rain fall. Yet, im at in-ability to write something yet again; alas this may just be the shortest post ever.... 

Its a Long Long Journey.....

Heaven's eye was watching me again today, beneath the hot sunny sky; sweat dripping from my forehead and back, somehow i felt alive. Heat-waves rising not far just above the surface, that hissing sound from trees every-time a small warm breeze came by. The road ahead seemed silent, not even a sight of any vehicles passing by; i was alone. Songs playing over and over in my head, accompanying my long way home. I can't remember how long has it been since i dreamt of having a friend beside me, walking this path of mine. Venture the roads beyond and maybe until our feets become weary, no matter what lies ahead, the bond shared between us never fails. Oh, i had wished and dreamed of that. Yet, all i only have is my dark inner self, and that imaginary friend who stood with me through times. Seeing those yellow lines crossing beneath my feet, tucked comfortably in the warm afternoon sensation; thoughts a million miles, again. For times i've never stayed in one place for long, therefore memories come not enough a time for it to form, at least stay memorable. I was never in one place; walking that long long road in life, searching for lost pieces of myself that i left in one place and another; forgotten. 

"A book lies beneath the sky,

Time and men came to past,

Yet none came to notice a ply.

A tomb engraved in riddles;

though many men seek to solve,

but only with death's giggles.

The clouds and Rain that pours,

the greens and life that grows;

yet Only lies beneath the feet's tour.

Road long lies ahead,

Empty with a weary heart;

yearning not for a bed under head.

Reasons not heed by others,

and a water flows complex,

without the pity of some lovers....."

Of Light And Sound

Coming yet into senseless moods while i tried hard to at least crap something out of that empty skull. Staring at my chemistry paper wasn't all that bad, not until it was physics. Somehow it seems that i have the sudden interest to write stories, well then again i wrote stories my whole life. There were of course many failed stories forced into discontinuation. "I don't know, i figured whatever it is doesn't matter. As long as im happy!" i was amazed hearing that from my friend, though expected. Everyone's getting older by the day, which reminds me, this is how memories are formed. My friend was telling me today, about him going to miss everything after all this is over. Ya, had to agree with him, those times good or bad, we will remember them kept in form of memories. Weird, my thoughts constricted today. Im at an inability to write something long, maybe its that long awaited afternoon nap, companied so effectively with Jazz playing in the background. I can't help feeling the urge to drink a cup of tea, and sigh at the clear blue skies. Yet all i had was a tiring sleep; fighting a tiring war in my unexpected dream. Explains why i felt so constricted today, maybe because its Maths tomorrow. I absolutely hate it when it comes to calculations, makes me feel like a terrorist trying hard to terrorize myself. Either way, im really lazy today.....really....

Somethings changing...

The night or morning sent my head spinning, serves me right for sleeping at 5. It was neither sleepiness or the head spinning effect; i wasn't sure, but i was in-fact restless. The air-condition in my room chilled the room to a breathtaking 16' C. The usual me with just boxers thought i had entered a man-made ice age. The moment i laid my restless body onto my bed, my eyes strained wide open. My mind was being invaded once again, the sound of war drums and horns. I was back 4 years ago; in my homeland. Paralyzed and only thoughts possesses mobility, i entered every piece of memory kept deep in my mind; once thought to be forgotten. I saw myself as a little boy, saw that kiddish face of mine, every steps aloft the pavement. Oh i remember that feeling; those were the days, those were the days. Throughout my years in life, there wasn't a time without its mishaps. Maybe thats how life makes one learn. Its funny how your thoughts can just run when your walking home. From time to time, i would look up to the sky wondering what tomorrow would be like.  Those many recurrence in life, sometimes i remember it this way and sometimes i remember it another. I heard the birds sing before dawn, the crickets play before dark; many times i heard things as well as seen things, but yet i can't remember when was the last time i saw a bird flew free in the sky, an ant working hard to maintain its colony. Proves nevertheless i've always turn a deaf ear to things around me, turn a blind eye to everything around me. Just like a passing boat moving with the river flow; unaware of its surroundings yet only aware of where its headed. 

I still remember that green ranger action figure that companied me through many storms and calms as well as that time where i lost it somehow, and took up a new friend as my companion in life.Things went on and on, up and down. Many virginity were lost there, as well as a lot of ships went down there. They say, make a trip around the world and it can change your point of view upon the this world. I miss the days when i was still a child, worries were nowhere near, as well as those many thoughts that never seem ending. But one must grow up eventually, whatever thats lost or gain makes up the balance that supports the flow of life. Hey, chang; i've grown up now, i don't need you anymore.  Its about time i stop running and face myself. The self that i hated and been running away all my life. Something really is changing; im keeping my fingers crossed.....

 

The morning breeze cooled my skin as i took that cold hard air into my lungs, breathing out of my sleepiness. All i could remember was that unexpected 6.30 call. I wanted to take my bike though, eventually i remembered its being locked up at the back thanks to dad's security purposes.  

The cars whooshed by like nobody's business, although it felt like those recent happenings slipping pass one by one, and now im seeing them in form of cars, lorries alike. Not that i liked it though, and doesn't mean i hate it. The feelings neutral, i understand all so perfectly its just part of life. Sitting by the window pane, many walked past strangely; so many different moods. Then i began to wonder, what about mine?

I took my order to fill my morning call, that aroma was enough to make me drool. It never did occur to me not until that day, that somehow i realized i was in love with the morning sun. Being watched under the eye of heaven; knowing that it feels kinda safe doesn't it? In the worlds clockwork, things just work and work and work, everyones with ya; come to think of it; you won't be feeling that loneliness much. Im living in a world filled with many other humans just like me. Yes im safe yet in a crazy world.

I furnished my day with a thick book of chemistry, trying hard to stuff impossible data into my head in an overly short amount of time. Im not so sure of the results, cause the moment i opened my chemistry paper, i felt like throwing it in the bin; i felt useless. Many hours i took liberty in day dreams, staring at beautiful's. I can't believe mickey mouse is the only thing i could remember after all that studying especially when they ask of atoms. Of Ebony and Ivory, my time of youth seems wasted bathing in dreams of bright morning sun; i ought to do something before i turn grey in the eyes of heaven....

Feelings; hate them

Pity upon the eyes of heaven,
though times these tears fell
Dark is the sky filled with Ravens,
I saw a heart crowned king in holiest hall
Many say men turn their souls,
Their faces changing like liquid flow
The differences between friend or foe,
Lies hidden beneath the cocks crow....

Waiting for the eastern Wind

The war sung a hopeless cry, drums beat a hollow wind.  Our men never meant to sigh. Fought their war like a thousand year rhyme.  The fleets of ships floated on the giant sea, rocking by the calm slight waves, waiting to be sunk into sea. The heavens guard its eye, bright morning to the late cold nights. White doves dominate the skies, a sign of many lives to die. The numbers struck awe by the horizon, everything was prepared, all planned out. Just waiting for the eastern wind to make it all happen. ...

Busy times.

Times are busy, more and more i feel as if i am the one blocking out the sun. Day by day, i see the dates being canceled, realizing the urge and need of studying for the upcoming exams, somehow i seem to have to be reminded over and over. After-all, maybe, deliberately, i tend to pile that need deep in the back of my head. Always finding excuses even the lamest just to get out of my room. Its a curse, laziness always comes stronger than ever during exam periods, when times are short at hand. 

I spent my recent days, hours and minutes and of course seconds missing a certain someone; so badly i think i might faint if any meetings were to be cancelled. Life is so quiet for me these days, my classmates hardly even notice me anymore. Its like im finally being invisible in class not to mention school. Im being so quiet, maybe too quiet that it just doesn't seem me anymore. But then again, what IS the real me? I've been wearing my mask for far too long; im certain im definitely happier now. Looking at that face, that smile, that twinkle in the eyes made my heart leapt a hundred miles. Im changing for you; for the better. Staring at the word-filled pages on my text, notes and all. Not any seems to be getting into my head, or at least im absorbing them. For moments, i thought to myself, wouldn't it be easier if we were staying together? Ya i know.....

Picture that sings.

Waiting

The atmosphere being seemingly dense, i took a towel and starting swiping around. Mosquitoes fell dead long before, now the battle is against something far worse; quicker for that matter. My eyes took cautious analysis around the kitchen area, awaiting for the fast dark creature to make its move; pacifism doesn't work here. Many times i've sat here waiting for something, at times waiting for things i have absolutely no idea about. Empty, the sound of refrigerator clicking from time to time, staring at the screen; waiting. 'Come Away With Me' playing on my itunes, Im set for a jazzy mood fit for the late nights. Romantic, sunset ideas invaded my nervous system, or rather, the music is striking me a sense of emptiness; somethings missing yet 'Im still waiting.'

The dog sleeping by my feet, im typing what it seems to be nothing but yet again utter nonsense that speaks relief or a sense of accomplishments to my guts. I needed something to do, all well, im here to blog. My heart is pumping rather slowly, nerves sending signals to my body telling it to slow down and dance with ALL THAT JAZZ. "Ahhhhhh..... im feeling lazy...." All that high keys on that piano tingled cheesy onsets onto my spine. Let that music take control. "Issit because of me?" he asked. Don't be silly, its Norah Jones with her voice and Stevie Ray with his guitar, all that slow feel for a Jazzy blues night......  

 

Heads or tails...

Heads or tails, i absolutely lost it... it hurts real bad, but because i still don't know what's going on. It really hurts... 

Your Still Not Talking

Your Still Not Talking

(verse 1)

What is wrong,

I keep listening to this song,

By the desk,

Waiting to end this test,

Late at night,

Can hardly make out the light.

Everything's fine

Yet i just can't help but to cry.

(verse 2)

Don't understand,

Where am i suppose to stand

So many,

The questions stuck on like candy

Can we stop?

How long are we gonna hop?

(chorus)

Your still not talking,

I wanna hear your voice,

tell me that its allright,

tell me that your fine,

Your still not talking,

At least tell me why,

I cant stop thinking baby,

Im still waiting for you,

Oh..your still not..

still not talking

(bridge)

Wishing star,

i laid under the stars.

Thinking what's it like to be on mars.

Will it be fine?

Is everything allright?

Im still waiting 

Im still waiting

Copyright(c) Songy 2008

Filled with whys....

Question marks seemed very sexy somehow. The curve that made its smooth slick shape. Its whole shape spoke of confusion, things we do not know. Yes, and Im having lots of them right now. Noodles cooking by the stove, the aroma slowly floated into my nostril, reminding me again and yet again, Im hungry. Awfully hungry. Hungry for answers or questions? I don't know.  My heart aches, there's a civil war going on within my body; those white blood cells against the red. Blood-cism.

Tears collecting slowly as it falls, lining down my cheeks. After-all, Im a certified Emo-cist. What's going on? Instead of hunting flies today for a round two, i hunted air molecules. Such fun, now going for a sci-fi action hit. Yet a sad one i think, the ending leaves audiences with never ending questions, and unsatisfaction. Chopped down some dead bamboo, and began making kendo sticks,  the breeze that took the dust after every swipe made a very dramatic effect. I was somebody else. Again, a few more strikes killed the bamboo, it snapped.... walked home under the sun today, well it was cloudy. Not to mention windy. The cool breeze brushed across my skin, caressed my hair, made my loose Tee danced; i felt like a star for a moment.  Yet another day, here i am sitting at the same spot thinking of times that seemed so fun or carefree not less than just 10 minutes ago. Before, the moods came in.... 

PS : You still not talking; why?

Spots

Thought my blog should have spots for a change. Been presenting my words in its old plain form for some time. The campus of time and records called me the other day, informing me of my recent mishap and amnesia of certain parts of my memory. Nothings boiling on the stove this time, yet I'm still here racing with time, or rather letting time slip by.  Words failed me, the hours ditched me; it wasn't after recent happenings that i summarized myself as being lost yet again.

Those peculiar moments in school, in which i hated so much for unknown reasons. Im stressing over things that may just as well non existence, unimportant. I love walking home these days, under the hot afternoon sun, letting its light slowly cook and bathe my skin with heat; Im not tanned, not one bit.  Like a sandwich, that looks rather not tanned yet cooked. Yes, Im cooked, awfully over-cooked. Time ticks and Im dreaming through as it worked. I rolled up a set of newspaper and started hunting flies that invaded my house. All that swoosh buckling action, almost too fit for a hollywood movie. The potential energy generated from the source of murderous intent made me triumph in my battle against the flies, but i have a feeling a round two is near. Somewhere over the rainbow, i sense a disturbance in the force.  

Pen and paper on my black desk gave me inspiration as i continue to imagine countless angles i could take if i had an awesome camera. Im crazy, Im crazy, Im crazy. But i love being crazy, having the feeling of absolute liberty and working towards an ideal dreams of an anarchist. 

Its the only thing i have that proved and reassured me i am nevertheless upmost different from the others or maybe perhaps the rest of the world. I know i don't want to be like them; i hate humans.

"If only something would deprive them of their selfishness; I have visions and dream of watching the world burn....." 

Pathetic Once Twice and Your OUT!!

The slight sizzling of soon to boil water in the pot upon the gas stove. By the comp trying to relive the moments in which i thought were once fun maybe better. "im hungry im hungry im hungry" Even my stomach's and thoughts aren't giving me any mercy. Food never seem enough these days, or rather im not eating much. Dog peed on the carpet. curtain, the floor. Mosquitoes feeding like little vampires, things are getting all complicated again...

LIfe in KL

Days that fly and dance like Rain

Water dripping from the pipes, the sound gave head a little twitch. The happenings of day made my head turn in may. I just love the way people live and talk. For some that loves and fell in love, their lives as sweet as honey with filled surprises. Sitting by the comp, the light from the screen reminds me yet blinded me a little of the numbness in life. Im numb afterall, maybe my dream is to be an anarchist.  Live a life bound to no rules, a life of total freedom...

I don't know, my hands are tied...

Seriously, sometimes i just try to take things easy. Smiling my way through things but still, things are just hard sometimes. This will be the first time, i write something about my life thats really private. Well guys, if your reading this, i would really appreciate that you could just read this over with a smile; and then forget about it.

Sometimes i just wish that i was born in a rather more simple family. Having a brother whose a bit special changed things a lot. Seriously, a brother whose really dependent on people; Im really really pressured sometimes. After-all, Im the eldest and it is my responsibility to take care of him. Not just for now, but in the future as well, throughout his life. His different from other kids, he may not be normal compared to others but his heart is just the same. I know his struggling a lot, but somehow he has shaped our family in many ways. I feel so tied up somehow, not to say Im selfish but sometimes i just feel like breaking down. Yet from time to time, i just wish he or i didn't exist. As you all may know, i have a very very bad temper, although its not easy for me to lose it but i just feel like i don't know, i can't say it.  why? Why can't i have a normal brother? Things are really difficult, there are so many things i can't share with people, since i was brought up in an environment where things are meant to be kept only to oneself. I have no choice. 

A roller coaster ride, i faced tremendous dramatic ups and downs. But Im still standing, I just don't know what Im feeling anymore. On one hand, my mum wants me to follow my dreams, but somehow i know i can't; cause i have my bro to take care of; my dreams requires me to travel a lot, touching a lot of people; possibly not much pay at all. I don't know, theres so many things i wana do, but when i thought of reality, BAM!! I just got a big tight slap in my face; i need to find something stable to do; not forgetting that i have a bro. 

I really hate the fact that i have a rather un-simple life, but sometimes.... haiz.  I love my family alot, really. Just that sometimes i need to let out what's inside my heart. My bro did his usual routine just now, lost my temper. haiz.... really im lost i don't know..... theres alot of things i don't know....haiz damn 

What's it like?

Im confused. Like water mixed with coke. The feelings gassy yet diluted. You can feel the bubbles burning your tongue yet it feels cool and wet at the same time. I've never done this kinda thing before, but is it right? Maybe things should have stayed unstated in the first place. I can't possibly describe this feeling, words failed me for the first time in my life yesterday. There is this overwhelming selfishness but somehow i know Im sober enough to know that. What is right? I know the answer but Im refusing to admit....And i really wonder what's it like if i really....nah nevermind....

PS

I seriously don't know

Late late night

My eyes are watering, its late now. 3:24 am in the morning, got an early day tomorrow yet im watching some dvd "all about TVXQ". Have to admit, really cute though. Oh ya, what was it that i wanted to write about again? Gosh, i can't remember. Well come to think of it,  i can't seem to remember things well lately. Why? I wish i knew. Im neither depressed nor sad. 

Really had fun today, went around the neighborhood under the bright afternoon sun after meeting. Speaking of which, i found some really awesome plot for the upcoming videos. 3 in total. Can't wait to shoot them. Oh ya, was speaking of walking around my neighborhood under the bright afternoon sun. Relived some moments, lifeless yet awesome lol.

I have a dance workshop tomorrow. Though im abit worried. Been a while since i last danced after that back injury. Although im back into dancing, i don't feel as active as last time. Its like i've started dancing all over again, from scratch. Hmm, somehow i feel rather pressured. Its like i lost my confidence every bit of it. ...

A city that never sleeps

I opened my eyes and as it slowly adjusted to the pure darkness, i could hear the steady ticking of the clock laying somewhere around me. The atmosphere felt still, in a room with no windows or doors nor even the slightest crack or gap on the wall that could have lighten up the room even just a little, granting hints to perhaps maybe a reason as to why i'm in a room filled with nothing but darkness; fear was closing in on me.

I tried to recall, though shutting my eyelids made no difference at this point; i wasn't sure whether they were shut or opened. Nothing came to my mind, it was blank though accompanied by slight pricking pain that felt like needles tickling at the back of my skull. 

*inspiration lost, to be continued......

Colorblind

Staring blankly at the screen hoping someone would P.M me wasn't what i was doing today, instead i was staring straight into space. The cooling atmosphere supposingly  from the weather these days re-assured me that i was still alive; still being able to feel that cooling breeze brushing across my face as lightning and thunder struck above. I have to face it, i was being emo, and still am. Almost all those that i talked to today, were all having issues of their own. My resentment encouraged my already emo mood even more; darkening. Taking a sip of my already cooled tea, i thought to myself; "what do i want?"  

Like the movement of waves, my feelings and confidence are always facing their ups and downs. I wana walk under the bright morning sun; traveling around my neighborhood and maybe i can find answers to the questions i don't even know. Finding myself lost at sea, not even certain of my own existence is the worst feeling ever. Im lost, but am I really lost? Cause, Im not even sure if i myself exist; if i don't exist, i cant be lost cause there won't be me to get lost.

1. Do you wish to get married?
Nope
2. What is your favourite animal?
Bird?
3. Who is the person you trust the most?
Myself
4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
No, its not stable
5. If you have a dream to come true, what would it be?
The world to end
6. Are you satisfied with yourself?
Not really
7. What are you afraid to lose the most?
Lose? I have nothing to lose
8. Do you believe in eternity love?
Nope, nothings permanent 
9. Have you broken someone's heart that he tried to commit suicide?
I don't think anyone would be that stupid to die for me XD
10. What do you like about yourself?
My thoughts
11. What are the requirements that you wish from the other half?
Understanding and mature
12. What feeling do you hate the most?
i try not to have feelings
13. Do you cherish every friendship of yours?
Yes but some are force to be broken
14. Do you treasure your family?
Yes
15. What do you dislike the most?
People
16. Who do you hope to be always there for you?
I dont need it
17. What do you regret most in life?
being alive
18. What kind of friends do you hope to be in your friend's eye?
Someone whose there but not there. There when u need them.
19. what's your favourite food?
Loads
20. Which date you like the most?
365.25 days a year, they are all the same.

I don't know

Was i disturbing, 

or was i being too stupid?

I still don't get it,

Why can't you just tell me why?

Things feel opposite;

Or maybe its just me,

What is going on? 

Was it things thats different

Or was it i?

I don't know;

I don't know,

Many times i just tried to get close,

but always ended up further,

And stranded with more whys.

Must i really say something?

Or should i just keep quiet? 

I seriously don't know. 

Im tired of sucking up,

Should i start standing up?

Im full of myself?

Ya i fooled myself, 

The truth is, 

I don't even have half myself.

I don't know,

I don't know.

I guess, one can never stay

For ones who left.

i seriously, seriously

don't know.....

A] People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
B] Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

Here are my answers:
#1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be ?
Its not really betrayed, just that its over. 

#2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be ?

I don't really have anything that i want;

#3. What will your dream wedding be like ?
wedding? hmmph, im not planning to get married.

#4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you ?
Not really, life can be quite simple if u can just break it down.

#5. What's your ideal lover like ?
Ideal lover? Seems impossible to find one for me.

#6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone ?
i think its about the same, loving someone is painful, so is being loved.

#7. How long do you intend to wait for someone u really love ?
Wait? loving someone doesnt mean you have to get them i guess thats how long.

#8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do ?
I cant do much, cause loving sumone doesnt mean you have to get them, all u want is for 

that person to be happy. thats all.

#9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days ?
Haha, funny question, if theres happiness theres surely unhappiness. Theres always a 

balance in things.

#10. What do you want most in life ?
What i want? Someone true?

#11. Is being tagged fun ?
i don't know. Maybe

#12. How do you see yourself in ten years time ?
Travelling here and there, entertaining people.

#13. Who is the current most important person to you ?
no-one.

#14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is ?
Great

#15. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor ?
Single

#16. If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be ?
a bird; free in the sky with no worries.

#17. What are one of those things which you would prefer not to do ?
Live a life;

#18. What kind of person do u think u are ?
crazy

#19. What do you define as a bad day ?
Evryday can be a bad day, depends on how u look at it. tats all

#20. If you have to choose between love (as in boy-girl relationships) and friendship, what would it be ?
Friendship

Emo- highness

All that merciless proposal writing are finally at and end. From here on proposal's would be history. No more sleepless nights worrying about not being able to complete proposals and documents all so for the sake of this world. Its the end.

Many times in life, have i not constantly wandered upon the face of silence; silence that brought coldness and emptiness. Walking upon the stairs of destiny, not knowing where one is going; up or down? Only the sisters of fate would know. Many believe destiny to be in thy hands; yet always played in the end. Was destiny in thy hands or were thy in Destiny's? Many have come to reason with life; the all so many things it brought upon; cratering with the hammer of all so called "Justice". Was justice meant to be given in place of judgement? Yet the question is not within thee. Ones who looked upon life in solitude receives more in reasons of thoughts; ones that proved of nothing but theories and mere rubbish. "Thou shall wait for Judgement" But who shall Judgement wait? 

Was it not meant for i to find thee? Long has i climbed this stairs of wait, when will it ever end or tell i where its headed. "The eagerness at heart brought silence and coldness thus the emo-highness....."

Crazy Past 2

Past 2 days, no actually the past whole week, ever since exam started. My eyes was closing up, slowly. The pressure wasn't actually affecting me without me realizing until now. Reflection was what i needed, where am i heading now? What do i wana do? Maybe, who knows. What ever im doing now ain't right. Thats what i thought, somehow. 

Lisza

She said hi on my first day of tuition. Then again, it was due to that "HI" that we started talking and ended here as we are, best friends. She is really a strong headed woman, to what i see, she knows how to handle her emotions pretty well, she has what i call a wise mindset. She knows when to let go and such, knows when to do things at the right time.  She came and celebrated my bdae with me, it was awesome, we sang our hearts out with all so emo songs. It was great, though as expected, something bad happened while two other friends was suppose to com as well, they bailed out last minute, and so i would have to pay for them. I didn't have cash that time and lisza offered to pay for me. All she did was smiled and said "its ok shawn, as a bdae treat!" I felt really bad having her to pay but at the same time touched. Shes really a great fren. 

We always have the crazy shout aloud sessions in tuition classes. Buying bread before and after classes. Bottomline is, shes really a wonderful friend, im so so so so lucky to have met you. Thank you lisza! keep smiling and ROCKING! lol

Sorry, yesterday post was just temporary.... lol

Happy Mothers Day!

ITs mother's day today. Took my mom out for dinner hitting our favorite Escargots in Victoria's. 

Drinks were awesome....

 

 When the bill came we realised that the price of the drinks we ordered was way awesome!

          My Mum n Dad 

 Heh! Splendid expression! Rock on MUM! Happy Mother's Day! Now get me an XBOX! XP