Over the days, the Rainbow and the Sun

Recent mishap turned out to be a blessing in disguise. For a man that believes not in God, yet for some reason can't deny his existence. Maybe my interpretation of God's very different from others but what the heck, its not God we're touching on today. Reality is only what the mind perceives. Focusing on the bad stuff would only bring more bad stuff; like a magnet. So recently, i've spent sleepless nights revisiting the past. And i realized just how much i've been complaining over the years, whether consciously or unconsciously, i was complaining nevertheless. I failed to do something i've learnt firsthand during my life's harsh experiences; that is to be appreciative. Well, i just want to say thank you to all those whose been with me during my silly moments, my drama days, my excessive complains, my lonely days, happy ones, sad ones. Thank you for being there, although i may not have been there when you needed me, but nevertheless thank you so very much for being there for me. Although, not many has appeared and contributed in my life cept a few, and to the others, thank you for appearing even for the very least. Theres a few who are very close to me, yet i shut them out from time to time whenever they got an inch closer. I guess its just me and my safety protocol. Well, either way, my dear fellow blog readers, thank you so much over the years for reading all those nonsensical crap, ryhmes and whatever i've written (ifs theres actually anyone reading my blog...) well i will be closing my blog down soon. There's just too many adjustments to make....

Regards with lotsa love,
Munky

Dreams again?

A long stretch of corridor; the many rooms by its side. Staring at the door not far ahead, the memories starts filling in. Hidden regrets beneath that smile; will evrything be all right? As the cigerate burns, turning to ashes, nicotine comforts the mind, body and soul. Of nothing but wonders and dreams. The road ahead seems so uncertain. Whats beyond that door? Breathing, the inspiration fades away within that smoke whose presence is only but for a moment. All those regrets fell with the ashes. Maybe its time for another dream? The tiles on the floor danced elegantly;
when the wind blows, the rose withers yet its seed planted, awaiting a new birth. Every end may just be another beginning of seemingly another dream....

"In this given life, the blessings recieved by humanity are nothing more than empty promises of a virtual salvation made to believe its reality..."

Peace

Deep in slumber; dreaming of a more peaceful reality. The clouds gathered just when the sun rises. Humans and creatures alike moved away from the now rising tides. Thunder roared, and lights flashed. And soon, the rain fell. It was as though the sky was mourning; as the clouds gathered, only small rays of light managed to shine through revealing the burning grounds; the aftermath of war. Soft footsteps could be heard, crunching the burnt leaves and other debris. There were three; "I can't believe it, theres nothing left..." one of the three cried out, punching a partially burnt tree in its trunk. "Yahiko...." the only girl in the group sighed, moving towards Yahiko with her arm around his shoulder. "Would you stop crying Nagato?" snapped Yahiko suddenly, looking sternly at the boy with shoulder length hair, his eyes were hidden behind that fringe that only tears were visible.

*to be continued

God

I can hear bells ringing, waking me up from my slumber. Its funny how hard i tried to believe that we humans can live in a world without ever having the need to wear a mask. The more i tried, the more i realized how important it was; especially in this corrupted world. Always i debated about how "God" was imperfect, and yet out of all those mishap I've grown in a way wanting to be that "God". I seek authority and power, not over anyone else, but my own. I complained alot; thats just because im not strong enough. I've played games all my life, now I'm wishing I hadn't. All that nicotine spoke to me, convincing me ever so strongly to stop after each puff i took. Thoughts ran through my head, I wanted Peace. Im just a man struggling to make a difference, although I know very well that I'm inevitably in the higher's game. Skeletons in my closets are now too big for me to hide...

My Hollow Part 2

Clouds above my sky;
intermittent moonlight shone,
Little by little the empty forest
I held my head with my hands,
the pain was getting too much.
By the hills not faraway.
the wolves howled to the moon;
"To Its Beauty Untouchable"
The owls hooted as it watched,
I was covered in darkness...
the tress rustled,
as though singing to me of my past.
White substance continued to engulf me
It was inevitable;
The Hollow Within Me...

My Hollow

Alot of people passing by the window, the crowds gathered as events were being held. More and more i feel, those moments of chaos are wraped strongly around peace. Or rather, sometimes, when things seems all just so wrong, you can find a little peace within that mess. Deep within that darkness, the cold shivers; i hear a voice calling to me. It seems as though its trying to tell me something; his name. My dreams....

Days

I've been going about many things, to a point where it has already become a habit. Sometimes you just feel weird or empty when you act silly for a day. I don't know where is this coming from but all im seeing now is the half setting sun. The now rising tides, the disappearing moon and those bugs that cricks at night. As time goes by, so slowly, and time can do so much. What is it that all life seeks to pursue, what are those things in which we dream of, the type of virtual reality that empowers our drives, calms our fear and feeds us energy? Those mishap never seem to end, yet its because of those mishaps i've learnt never to give up. Had my mini olympics in the store today, "panting" as i struggled to get all that polos back in their places.

Somehow i feel, persistency is the thing im missing....

Summer 2009

Finnys Birthday

Went out with finn tonight, got a priceless expression from him. The way he reacted to the cock band and some condom stuff in a tube thing. Oh ya, met Aizzudin too; cool guy. Finn was making fun of me trying to convers in BM with Aizzudin all the way. Banana split was what we ate after dinner. Well happy birthday finn, had a wonderful night as usual. PEACE OUT.

Its all in the head.

I find myself contemplating this picture a lot. Perhaps out of that hundreds, this made the impact. Most likely the color and most definitely the composition of this picture; it just brings me places. My days used to start out with a clear starry sky. Without obstruction of clouds, perhaps. But now, heaven sees my head more than it sees my arse. Working again; im sure some may have already known. I miss the times, i miss the days, and i miss the type of life i've never been able to lead. But, hey i miss some part of myself too. Everyone misses something, and right now, im missing the times where i used to know exactly what song to listen to during those fucked up times. Now, im scrolling through my itunes trying to get something out of it. Some feelings for me to emo about. Some things for me to think about. I've never felt so blank before, and this may just be the first time im yearning for something to puzzle about.

Barely Legal

Moving on, now im barely legal. As the light shone vividly, it was night in another world. Constant screams that echoed in a chaotic world; hope seem so pointless. Only left 4 to die, struggling impossibly to get back at those half degenerated foul smelling bodies that ran as though they drank galleons of Red-Bull. That was how i spent my eighteenth birthday, in a virtual somewhat realistic world shooting zombies and taking turns to claw the survivors as zombies. Fun-filled day, inspired alot of excitement. And not forgeting a very big thanks to all those who took the effort to spend my day with me, not forgetting your wishes too. Nites everyone, may the stars bless and grant you the ability to survive if at all the world were to be infested with zombies; if and only if. Heck, im really influenced by the game...

Happy Birthday!

Eighteen years a day like this,
not knowing the heaven or the earth
His eyes closed with a smile on his face
A story written since his birth

The roads may twist or damn
Yet with a heart not knowing fear
Now adjusting his buckles like a man
While his eyes filled with joyful tears

Of bitter sweet times since then
Nothing without it a good tale
Grown with destiny in his hand,
May the coming days be filled with hale...

Dark

The lights dimmed, the air weighed. A million eyes pictured the world, and now a big puzzle. Waiting to be solved, pieces found along the streets that accompanied the footsteps. When will the road end, i dare not say yet it will end someday that's for sure. Street lamps too dimmed, encountered many known dead-ends deep behind that alley. Yet, hope was what carried the young adventurer through; foolishly to fool's end. Matter of life and death yet to highers a game of monopoly. Of all such twisted lame ideals, may there be some fun in it or at least, worth the time wasted.

Psychology

Never really did expect to do psychology. I'm happy i found my way through all that mass confusion; it's not easy i'll give you that. Emo- music playing in the background, not for the sake of trying to blend in the all so emo atmosphere yet rather its just for the sake of trying to soothe my nerves. My body's almost at its limit, im feeling a fever somewhere....

Living in a Fantasy

My eyes rolled as i heard the lame news. I woke up at 6.30 today, early? Wait till you hear the P.M that comes behind it. Been getting a lot of recommendations to take up psychology; they say i have natural talent and i'm totally cut out for it. Beats me, though i know im yearning for my fridge to click again. Muffin peed, i screamed and growled. Weeping as i cleaned the massacre on the floor. More and more, im feeling myself attached to this particular dog. It's weird. Kingdom Hearts playing in the background, i dreamt of my own perfect fantasy world once again. Be heading to Alex house later; thats if at all i manage to wake up for anything. I need to go swimming, already. Do something productive; though as a wise teenager used to say, rotting is healthy, its what we do; its in the blood. Nah, words of comfort. I believe in nothing.....and YAY! my fridge finally clicked!

Eyes filled with a Longing

Seemingly filled with wonders,
time left loneliness in its place,
Every shiver, every hunger
unwritten on his face.
yet his eyes,
filled with so much emptiness,
longing to fly;
to feel that happiness once again....

Always wondering...

There i was, sitting by the window. Looking at the rain drops falling to the ground, there were a short moment of sadness somewhere but i can't seem to recall. Day by day, the people around me seems a little further away. Was it time or things that has brought them to that, or was it just themselves? There has to be a little contradiction somewhere, that has to be it. After all, they are living a healthy life, to most. Yet, more and more i feel as if the sky is about to fall. Busy with their lives maybe, they are forgetting or simply have no mood left after all that hassle. Having a drink or two without strict bookings used to be a tradition among close friends. Guys, update already. Im pissed, i don't know why. Im sad, i don't know why either. Its just i never really write about my happy moments much, i rather show them and hide the sad ones here....

Milk and Muffin

Milk

Muffin

Weird day today, the arrival of two young padawans, Milk and Muffin; boy and a gal. I guess its what they call a miracle when something delightful happens once in awhile, out of the blue. Constantly being tossed around hands, being unable to decide whose responsibility it was, i sighed at how useless our younger generation has become and took them both in (above). The sense of responsibility behind that cute face are always the very one thing kids these days fail to comprehend. I'm not sure where this sudden sense of righteousness and maturity came from, but i guess i'm just finally getting used to being 18. lol, well rock on my young padawans. May the blessings of whatever pretty be upon you, and please i bless you to pee outside not inside the house. Bless the days someone is to wipe your pee.. or clean your poo. And really, bless you for coming into my life; Milk and Muffin.

What a day

The night before, i was tossing myself around my bed. Of all nights, that was somehow the hardest to descend into slumber land. It was quite queer, especially that night. I felt nothing, yet i can't sleep. Maybe i did, but the feeling seems so alien especially recently. I'm not sure what i'm feeling anymore. Soon, it was dawn. The pressure of anticipation covered the atmosphere, it felt almost as if there's an ocean above the sky; it was that dense. The crowd gathered slowly, more an more familiar faces appeared. There were those which i have no absolute interest in interacting with, and those in which i never thought i would be talking to again. Its weird to see how short a three month period could make such big changes, not just physically; no, i bet mentally too. The results came, the air lifted, now taken over by screams that pierced ear drums. There were laughters and tears among all that madly mixed demotional filled up atmosphere, i was there feeling nothing. *Laughs, maybe everything was expected. I passed my BM apparently, enough to go where i want to go. Somehow i can't help but to feel a little bit empty somewhere. I know, its weird.....

Never ending "CornFlakes"

I screamed, cause the fridge clicked again. There isn't a single mosquito in sight, i'm worried. The times of innovation has finally come. The world is reshaping, well at least the world i'm in, the world i see. Watchmen is an utterly boring show that brings nothing but needless butt cramps over that ridicuously long time length which only leaves me sighing "I just wasted 3 hours of my life..."
Though it may suck like a vacum cleaner powered off nuclear energy; its moral of the story never ceases to remind me so much of some strange ideals that someone i know very well used to have. Though, in a very different form. The idea of believing that the world can only be saved through pain, or simply destroying it. Afterall, if theres nothing left, there will just be nothing. Humans, are such pathetic creatures. They will never be able to understand each other, not unless they've learnt true despair. Emotions, feelings; they all lead to another and finally serving as the reason and passion of ones judgement. Judgement day to the way i see it, will be in the hands of humans; suffice to say, that may just be the true meaning of free will; having the power to decide. The world will end someday, hopefully they will learn the meaning of pain before it does.
Maybe at least, there be true peace having being nothing left.....

Adventures in KL

From Bukit Bintang to Times Square, from Times Square to Low Yat mall, from Low Yat mall to
Pavillion, From Pavillion to KLCC, and lastly Amcorp mall. From evening till night, and now im finally home. Sure the day was entertaining. Operation LALA bag failed, guess the time will come when it be found and bought by me. The night grows weary, soon it be dawn. My insides exhausted, lost focus to the point where even Celine Dion sounded out of tune. Well, thanks... i loved today.

The late late nights...

Possibilities of non-existence, finally had Norah Jones and her blues back on my radio. The night is still young, for me at least. Fridge being silent tonight, im feeling unease. Hungry for supper, yet my stubbornness or laziness is refraining me from fulfilling my tummy's call. I'm prompt to lose my way in all that high keys, the blues and the jazz. Though i'm glad i found my way back thanks to a drunk. I feel the rhythm, the will in me. I'm aware once again, of the difference between; like night and day, heaven and earth. I'm aware once again, of my resolve. My cigarette by the ashtray, lit. Im calling for help, beneath that darkness and all that messy feelings. I FOUND MY WAY.

Back and inspired by the toilet bowl.

Inspired by my toilet bowl, now im finally back. Constantly replaying songs from my I-tunes, staring at cutes on friendster; the sky pours and the sun hidden from view. My life seems back on fool's end. Its my first day today, free from all stresses except from the fact that i'm not rotting enough. There are alot of things i wanted to know, at the same time there are alot of things i held dear that others have no complete idea of. Thats life and it's been awhile since Norah Jones and her blues last sang to my lonely nights. Im content, yet trying hard to disassociate myself from the rest of the world.

I wish to bring you the stars that shines,
to the edge of the universe,
And see a smile form to say I'm fine.
Even till the heavens burst,
and words don't ryhme....
i will be here to say these words to you,
"YOUR MINE."

Just the same...

Time hasn't been at all kind to me lately. Now that im finally back to blog; expecting for something new, yet its the same old shit again. Hoping was never really a thing for me, after letting out it should at least feel abit more comfortable. But it didn't i wonder why? Thoughts and endless guesses, feelings that concludes those are now gone alright, taken over by something else now. Those sharp tingling pain making their way down to your toes and up again. What was i thinking, fate has never been kind to me; never once. Yet, tonight for the first time in my life, i was hoping that it did. It's weird im drinking again...

Paused awhile for some inspirations. I guess i just have to close it up once again. Opening was definitely a bad idea. Look at me now, a desperate soul wishing to forget. No, dying to... my blogs getting kinda stupid, now that i think of it. Im rather emo with my entries. Its almost about time to stop...

Down with sickness...

Finally down with a fever, suspected of dengue again. The aches on my bones never seems to go away, the heaviness in my head. I think im officially going kook. Haven't been able to find time to sit back and relax with a cup of tea in hand, all those made me forget that i had a life lifestyle will soon come to an end. It ever seems so likely that things or time passes real slow when you actually found an objective or a goal to look forward to. The suspense they say, but its killing me as it should. Shooting zombies on my comp, trying hard to master those head shot techniques. Ever wondering, how would it be like if the world somehow got infested by zombies, and your one of the only few remaining survivors thats immune to the deadly strain of virus; somehow. Armed with only a handgun, bullets are obviously limited. I believe those hard trained head shot only techniques would be put to good use. Though, surprisingly it seem kinda cool in a way. Beats me, but like i said, im going kookoo....

Catching up on a TEENAGE life!

Tonight, the lights flashed by on the streets; it had robbed partially of my vision. Considering that i already have such poor night vision capabilities, very similar to the aftermath of using a Mangekyou. What am i to do? Im suppose to hand over my resignation letter soon, that day will come swift. My last days at work. I've have been missing out badly, now trying desperately to recliam my long awaited teenager lifstyle. Yet, i may be once step too late. Started work straight after that dreadful exam. While the rest enjoyed their moments before college, i worked and lived a life having a taste of the future. Still trying not to think too much, the overload of data transmitting through brain nerves can prove disastrous especially to a TEENAGER who drinks kinda often. While the rest of the world prayed for world peace, i prayed that my beer-belly days never come. Its kinda disappointing to see what a narcissist i have become; yet its those online friends networks' to blame. Facebook, friendster. Clearly its breeding a world of narcissist, explains the rapid decline of the Economy as well as the rapid climb of our global temperature. Everyone's getting just too hot, and soon nature will have her way of cooling us down; and so we shall see..... ^^

Working title. to be continued...

My Love pockets...

Weirdly, im not getting that regretful feeling im suppose to when looking back into my bank account. The wonderful figures that threw millions of nasty shopping concepts on HOW IM GONNA SPEND IT ALL into my head now down to less than a quarter of its original amount. I have to confess though, its well spent money for a 17 year old. Went shopping with a few ungrateful pals of mine *hehe grins... (cause they left me at 4.30 FOUR FREAKING THIRTY!) And i had to spend the rest of my day alone. Spent a few hundred bucks on shirts, jeans, belt and wallet in Top Shop. Somehow the new years almost ready for me. Works getting really stressful, im not getting any younger. No more time for games and that un-necessary day dreaming like what normal teenagers do. I can't help but to see through my days with a sigh thinking of how far i've drifted away from innocence. I do miss alot of things; like what the hell, everyone does.

PS; I wana go paintball!

Hated You My Lover

Since that moment on
the times and love all seems wrong
running around while our hearts still beating on
I fell with just one call,
Is it you or my world but its just too small,
Playing the cards and my hearts far from warm,

Oh baby, why are we still playing lost and found,
Turning about that merry- go- round
All those words that never seem to reason,
The pieces of the puzzles far from completion.
Love me tender through constellation,
Now those promises seems so random ~oh,

Cant you see that im just pretending
that whatever between us is never ending
So long, our plays still going on,
what was it thats keeping us on?
I hated you my lover
So stop savoring our moments together...
Realize this and that we're really over.
Cause i hated you oh my lover

My contemplation as blind as ever,
Was always one chasing the other,
It would never end or move on any further,
Love frozen in the ice,
Let me wipe those tears off your eyes,
along with the pieces filled with I …

Its always you taking my blames,
I lost my self deep within that shame.
Im not calling for your name,
cause i just can't bear to see you cry again,
Hidden beneath that smile of yours with pain..
This is my love for you, the man standing before you
Now move on and never look back...

The star blinker

I found resonance in my head's radio. Creepy noises shoved me to believe in the boogie man that haunts the underneath of my bed. The nights and days now passing like frames that plays a thousand to a second in a movie; almost unknowingly, yet memorable. The tides have turned, im being pressured greatly about my studies. One topic now in which i have phobia to talk about, i would usually seek avoidance. I can't remember exactly when was the last time i sighed looking up to the dark blue skies. Which reminds me, i saw a rainbow the other day; it rained that day. Past two days ago, my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. The warm sensation like waves going through my body, up to my head. Thoughts went wild and a certain stiffness somewhere. Eyes that killed and melted my heart. Oh why... cant it be any simpler?

A new new new new YEAR!

At the blink of an eye, another year passed. I saw the smiles and laughter, the tears of joy or those filled with sadness, now nothing but hilarious moments back in time. Brings back memories when you just look back at them. Yup, im a year older now, a level higher. Looking back down to the past from high above, now all that i see seems so childish and ignorant. Its a good sign i suppose, a change for the better. The world will never seize to spin, the society will never seize to grow, humans will forever be the same. Even though time may move on; it may just be the same. However i had a rather amazing day today. Happy New Year EVERYONE!