Some cool pics....

Depressed in content

That heavy feeling of my heart weighing like a hundred tons, that feeling itself accompanied my day. Being look down upon, somehow i didn't know it would hurt, not that much at least. Through laughter and eyes hidden behind their teeth, yet all i did was acknowledge them with a smile and quiet i went till my day was over. The day seem merciless, sun kept its gaze upon me; burning me with its heat. I've never felt so down before, i don't hate them, instead its me myself i hate. The world was on- top of me today, even heavens. I thought my past made me hollow, but then again maybe its a good thing that i found yet some feelings inside of me. Don't know why, but my feelings of school being unnecessary grew somewhat stronger over the recent days; especially today. School may just be the polite word to describe whats inside of it; all so unnecessary. Well, it looks like my stupidity for once killed me; and look where i am now, desperately seeking you again. Saying, i need you.....chang

STARBUCKS!!!!

Life on the double lines;

Days coming to a bitter end, i lived my day with a grumpy grin. My heart cramped at the thought of him; nevertheless darkening my whimsical mood even more. The flowers that bloom not too early but never too late, or such at the right time. To others, its destiny; but to a tree that blooms, its time. Staring at the clear night sky, in the corner of your sight, a lamp post shone brightly, lighting the road; serving its purpose. Oh how i missed those days in which colors never seemed to fade. 

That floating feel of boring adventures; yep those were the days. It has been awhile since i last lifted my head to the sky, dreams of cotton candy, or sparkling stones; i don't do that anymore.....

Tea.

"Tea leaves scatter the bottom of a cup,

While the cap preserves the aroma of the tea;

Its wonders made mysterious of its pot,

a custom with deep history,

Or such which many failed to see.

Afterall, its just a simple tea,

and an interesting pot....."

Dreams Woke Me Up.

Those dreams woke me up. Thought i could have another early night and that finally just maybe my uneven sleeping time could finally be corrected. But then again, i had never thought for the dreams to be this strong. I was tossing myself around, underneath the blankets, it was then i decided it was enough. My minds drifting away too much, hoping and craving for things that did not matter. Now slowly sipping my cup of tea, my nerves are finally beginning to relax. Another day went by wasted, something is bothering me; and its affecting me slowly, bit by bit. What if i were someone else? 

........

Was it the unfrequent sleeping time or was it something else? My backs aching again; old scars. I forgot how many times i've searched the kitchen for something to bite yet im still in hunger. Been having weird weird dreams lately, maybe its a sign of something. Flowers that bloom late and scatter in the face of fall; im depressed.  These dreams involved someone, and it always leaves me in that dark corner every-time; yearning to see that someone again. When i looked, i can never see his face clearly. Thats depressing somehow, yet i know he may only just exist in my dreams. That comforting feeling, that i'll never be alone; i would do anything to feel that again, even for a moment. Friends, seemed unnecessary again. Alot of things comes to your mind eventually, especially when one's depressed. My days in the house kept me from the outside world, maybe its about time i take a walk outside. Breathe that cold morning air, bathe under that warm gaze of heaven. If you're ever coming into my life, just don't take too long.....  

Light Lights up Light,

Went un-inspired for a few days, finally be able to pen something down. The feelings great, like a thousand year old wine; the taste and aura generated upon its opening once again. I love the sunrise, seems like every things new again. Look forward to tomorrow for it is a mystery, and today is a gift which is why its called present. Jazz, playing yet again filling this now empty space with its jazzy colors; so soft yet sticky. Wonder what i was doing for the past few days, those days without anything at all in my thick thick skull. Cup of tea, by the window watching the rain fall. Yet, im at in-ability to write something yet again; alas this may just be the shortest post ever.... 

Its a Long Long Journey.....

Heaven's eye was watching me again today, beneath the hot sunny sky; sweat dripping from my forehead and back, somehow i felt alive. Heat-waves rising not far just above the surface, that hissing sound from trees every-time a small warm breeze came by. The road ahead seemed silent, not even a sight of any vehicles passing by; i was alone. Songs playing over and over in my head, accompanying my long way home. I can't remember how long has it been since i dreamt of having a friend beside me, walking this path of mine. Venture the roads beyond and maybe until our feets become weary, no matter what lies ahead, the bond shared between us never fails. Oh, i had wished and dreamed of that. Yet, all i only have is my dark inner self, and that imaginary friend who stood with me through times. Seeing those yellow lines crossing beneath my feet, tucked comfortably in the warm afternoon sensation; thoughts a million miles, again. For times i've never stayed in one place for long, therefore memories come not enough a time for it to form, at least stay memorable. I was never in one place; walking that long long road in life, searching for lost pieces of myself that i left in one place and another; forgotten. 

"A book lies beneath the sky,

Time and men came to past,

Yet none came to notice a ply.

A tomb engraved in riddles;

though many men seek to solve,

but only with death's giggles.

The clouds and Rain that pours,

the greens and life that grows;

yet Only lies beneath the feet's tour.

Road long lies ahead,

Empty with a weary heart;

yearning not for a bed under head.

Reasons not heed by others,

and a water flows complex,

without the pity of some lovers....."

Of Light And Sound

Coming yet into senseless moods while i tried hard to at least crap something out of that empty skull. Staring at my chemistry paper wasn't all that bad, not until it was physics. Somehow it seems that i have the sudden interest to write stories, well then again i wrote stories my whole life. There were of course many failed stories forced into discontinuation. "I don't know, i figured whatever it is doesn't matter. As long as im happy!" i was amazed hearing that from my friend, though expected. Everyone's getting older by the day, which reminds me, this is how memories are formed. My friend was telling me today, about him going to miss everything after all this is over. Ya, had to agree with him, those times good or bad, we will remember them kept in form of memories. Weird, my thoughts constricted today. Im at an inability to write something long, maybe its that long awaited afternoon nap, companied so effectively with Jazz playing in the background. I can't help feeling the urge to drink a cup of tea, and sigh at the clear blue skies. Yet all i had was a tiring sleep; fighting a tiring war in my unexpected dream. Explains why i felt so constricted today, maybe because its Maths tomorrow. I absolutely hate it when it comes to calculations, makes me feel like a terrorist trying hard to terrorize myself. Either way, im really lazy today.....really....

Somethings changing...

The night or morning sent my head spinning, serves me right for sleeping at 5. It was neither sleepiness or the head spinning effect; i wasn't sure, but i was in-fact restless. The air-condition in my room chilled the room to a breathtaking 16' C. The usual me with just boxers thought i had entered a man-made ice age. The moment i laid my restless body onto my bed, my eyes strained wide open. My mind was being invaded once again, the sound of war drums and horns. I was back 4 years ago; in my homeland. Paralyzed and only thoughts possesses mobility, i entered every piece of memory kept deep in my mind; once thought to be forgotten. I saw myself as a little boy, saw that kiddish face of mine, every steps aloft the pavement. Oh i remember that feeling; those were the days, those were the days. Throughout my years in life, there wasn't a time without its mishaps. Maybe thats how life makes one learn. Its funny how your thoughts can just run when your walking home. From time to time, i would look up to the sky wondering what tomorrow would be like.  Those many recurrence in life, sometimes i remember it this way and sometimes i remember it another. I heard the birds sing before dawn, the crickets play before dark; many times i heard things as well as seen things, but yet i can't remember when was the last time i saw a bird flew free in the sky, an ant working hard to maintain its colony. Proves nevertheless i've always turn a deaf ear to things around me, turn a blind eye to everything around me. Just like a passing boat moving with the river flow; unaware of its surroundings yet only aware of where its headed. 

I still remember that green ranger action figure that companied me through many storms and calms as well as that time where i lost it somehow, and took up a new friend as my companion in life.Things went on and on, up and down. Many virginity were lost there, as well as a lot of ships went down there. They say, make a trip around the world and it can change your point of view upon the this world. I miss the days when i was still a child, worries were nowhere near, as well as those many thoughts that never seem ending. But one must grow up eventually, whatever thats lost or gain makes up the balance that supports the flow of life. Hey, chang; i've grown up now, i don't need you anymore.  Its about time i stop running and face myself. The self that i hated and been running away all my life. Something really is changing; im keeping my fingers crossed.....

 

The morning breeze cooled my skin as i took that cold hard air into my lungs, breathing out of my sleepiness. All i could remember was that unexpected 6.30 call. I wanted to take my bike though, eventually i remembered its being locked up at the back thanks to dad's security purposes.  

The cars whooshed by like nobody's business, although it felt like those recent happenings slipping pass one by one, and now im seeing them in form of cars, lorries alike. Not that i liked it though, and doesn't mean i hate it. The feelings neutral, i understand all so perfectly its just part of life. Sitting by the window pane, many walked past strangely; so many different moods. Then i began to wonder, what about mine?

I took my order to fill my morning call, that aroma was enough to make me drool. It never did occur to me not until that day, that somehow i realized i was in love with the morning sun. Being watched under the eye of heaven; knowing that it feels kinda safe doesn't it? In the worlds clockwork, things just work and work and work, everyones with ya; come to think of it; you won't be feeling that loneliness much. Im living in a world filled with many other humans just like me. Yes im safe yet in a crazy world.

I furnished my day with a thick book of chemistry, trying hard to stuff impossible data into my head in an overly short amount of time. Im not so sure of the results, cause the moment i opened my chemistry paper, i felt like throwing it in the bin; i felt useless. Many hours i took liberty in day dreams, staring at beautiful's. I can't believe mickey mouse is the only thing i could remember after all that studying especially when they ask of atoms. Of Ebony and Ivory, my time of youth seems wasted bathing in dreams of bright morning sun; i ought to do something before i turn grey in the eyes of heaven....

Feelings; hate them

Pity upon the eyes of heaven,
though times these tears fell
Dark is the sky filled with Ravens,
I saw a heart crowned king in holiest hall
Many say men turn their souls,
Their faces changing like liquid flow
The differences between friend or foe,
Lies hidden beneath the cocks crow....

Waiting for the eastern Wind

The war sung a hopeless cry, drums beat a hollow wind.  Our men never meant to sigh. Fought their war like a thousand year rhyme.  The fleets of ships floated on the giant sea, rocking by the calm slight waves, waiting to be sunk into sea. The heavens guard its eye, bright morning to the late cold nights. White doves dominate the skies, a sign of many lives to die. The numbers struck awe by the horizon, everything was prepared, all planned out. Just waiting for the eastern wind to make it all happen. ...

Busy times.

Times are busy, more and more i feel as if i am the one blocking out the sun. Day by day, i see the dates being canceled, realizing the urge and need of studying for the upcoming exams, somehow i seem to have to be reminded over and over. After-all, maybe, deliberately, i tend to pile that need deep in the back of my head. Always finding excuses even the lamest just to get out of my room. Its a curse, laziness always comes stronger than ever during exam periods, when times are short at hand. 

I spent my recent days, hours and minutes and of course seconds missing a certain someone; so badly i think i might faint if any meetings were to be cancelled. Life is so quiet for me these days, my classmates hardly even notice me anymore. Its like im finally being invisible in class not to mention school. Im being so quiet, maybe too quiet that it just doesn't seem me anymore. But then again, what IS the real me? I've been wearing my mask for far too long; im certain im definitely happier now. Looking at that face, that smile, that twinkle in the eyes made my heart leapt a hundred miles. Im changing for you; for the better. Staring at the word-filled pages on my text, notes and all. Not any seems to be getting into my head, or at least im absorbing them. For moments, i thought to myself, wouldn't it be easier if we were staying together? Ya i know.....

Picture that sings.

Waiting

The atmosphere being seemingly dense, i took a towel and starting swiping around. Mosquitoes fell dead long before, now the battle is against something far worse; quicker for that matter. My eyes took cautious analysis around the kitchen area, awaiting for the fast dark creature to make its move; pacifism doesn't work here. Many times i've sat here waiting for something, at times waiting for things i have absolutely no idea about. Empty, the sound of refrigerator clicking from time to time, staring at the screen; waiting. 'Come Away With Me' playing on my itunes, Im set for a jazzy mood fit for the late nights. Romantic, sunset ideas invaded my nervous system, or rather, the music is striking me a sense of emptiness; somethings missing yet 'Im still waiting.'

The dog sleeping by my feet, im typing what it seems to be nothing but yet again utter nonsense that speaks relief or a sense of accomplishments to my guts. I needed something to do, all well, im here to blog. My heart is pumping rather slowly, nerves sending signals to my body telling it to slow down and dance with ALL THAT JAZZ. "Ahhhhhh..... im feeling lazy...." All that high keys on that piano tingled cheesy onsets onto my spine. Let that music take control. "Issit because of me?" he asked. Don't be silly, its Norah Jones with her voice and Stevie Ray with his guitar, all that slow feel for a Jazzy blues night......  

 

Heads or tails...

Heads or tails, i absolutely lost it... it hurts real bad, but because i still don't know what's going on. It really hurts... 

Your Still Not Talking

Your Still Not Talking

(verse 1)

What is wrong,

I keep listening to this song,

By the desk,

Waiting to end this test,

Late at night,

Can hardly make out the light.

Everything's fine

Yet i just can't help but to cry.

(verse 2)

Don't understand,

Where am i suppose to stand

So many,

The questions stuck on like candy

Can we stop?

How long are we gonna hop?

(chorus)

Your still not talking,

I wanna hear your voice,

tell me that its allright,

tell me that your fine,

Your still not talking,

At least tell me why,

I cant stop thinking baby,

Im still waiting for you,

Oh..your still not..

still not talking

(bridge)

Wishing star,

i laid under the stars.

Thinking what's it like to be on mars.

Will it be fine?

Is everything allright?

Im still waiting 

Im still waiting

Copyright(c) Songy 2008