Sometimes i just wish that i was born in a rather more simple family. Having a brother whose a bit special changed things a lot. Seriously, a brother whose really dependent on people; Im really really pressured sometimes. After-all, Im the eldest and it is my responsibility to take care of him. Not just for now, but in the future as well, throughout his life. His different from other kids, he may not be normal compared to others but his heart is just the same. I know his struggling a lot, but somehow he has shaped our family in many ways. I feel so tied up somehow, not to say Im selfish but sometimes i just feel like breaking down. Yet from time to time, i just wish he or i didn't exist. As you all may know, i have a very very bad temper, although its not easy for me to lose it but i just feel like i don't know, i can't say it. why? Why can't i have a normal brother? Things are really difficult, there are so many things i can't share with people, since i was brought up in an environment where things are meant to be kept only to oneself. I have no choice.
A roller coaster ride, i faced tremendous dramatic ups and downs. But Im still standing, I just don't know what Im feeling anymore. On one hand, my mum wants me to follow my dreams, but somehow i know i can't; cause i have my bro to take care of; my dreams requires me to travel a lot, touching a lot of people; possibly not much pay at all. I don't know, theres so many things i wana do, but when i thought of reality, BAM!! I just got a big tight slap in my face; i need to find something stable to do; not forgetting that i have a bro.
I really hate the fact that i have a rather un-simple life, but sometimes.... haiz. I love my family alot, really. Just that sometimes i need to let out what's inside my heart. My bro did his usual routine just now, lost my temper. haiz.... really im lost i don't know..... theres alot of things i don't know....haiz damn
