Waiting

The atmosphere being seemingly dense, i took a towel and starting swiping around. Mosquitoes fell dead long before, now the battle is against something far worse; quicker for that matter. My eyes took cautious analysis around the kitchen area, awaiting for the fast dark creature to make its move; pacifism doesn't work here. Many times i've sat here waiting for something, at times waiting for things i have absolutely no idea about. Empty, the sound of refrigerator clicking from time to time, staring at the screen; waiting. 'Come Away With Me' playing on my itunes, Im set for a jazzy mood fit for the late nights. Romantic, sunset ideas invaded my nervous system, or rather, the music is striking me a sense of emptiness; somethings missing yet 'Im still waiting.'

The dog sleeping by my feet, im typing what it seems to be nothing but yet again utter nonsense that speaks relief or a sense of accomplishments to my guts. I needed something to do, all well, im here to blog. My heart is pumping rather slowly, nerves sending signals to my body telling it to slow down and dance with ALL THAT JAZZ. "Ahhhhhh..... im feeling lazy...." All that high keys on that piano tingled cheesy onsets onto my spine. Let that music take control. "Issit because of me?" he asked. Don't be silly, its Norah Jones with her voice and Stevie Ray with his guitar, all that slow feel for a Jazzy blues night......  

 

Heads or tails...

Heads or tails, i absolutely lost it... it hurts real bad, but because i still don't know what's going on. It really hurts... 

Your Still Not Talking

Your Still Not Talking

(verse 1)

What is wrong,

I keep listening to this song,

By the desk,

Waiting to end this test,

Late at night,

Can hardly make out the light.

Everything's fine

Yet i just can't help but to cry.

(verse 2)

Don't understand,

Where am i suppose to stand

So many,

The questions stuck on like candy

Can we stop?

How long are we gonna hop?

(chorus)

Your still not talking,

I wanna hear your voice,

tell me that its allright,

tell me that your fine,

Your still not talking,

At least tell me why,

I cant stop thinking baby,

Im still waiting for you,

Oh..your still not..

still not talking

(bridge)

Wishing star,

i laid under the stars.

Thinking what's it like to be on mars.

Will it be fine?

Is everything allright?

Im still waiting 

Im still waiting

Copyright(c) Songy 2008

Filled with whys....

Question marks seemed very sexy somehow. The curve that made its smooth slick shape. Its whole shape spoke of confusion, things we do not know. Yes, and Im having lots of them right now. Noodles cooking by the stove, the aroma slowly floated into my nostril, reminding me again and yet again, Im hungry. Awfully hungry. Hungry for answers or questions? I don't know.  My heart aches, there's a civil war going on within my body; those white blood cells against the red. Blood-cism.

Tears collecting slowly as it falls, lining down my cheeks. After-all, Im a certified Emo-cist. What's going on? Instead of hunting flies today for a round two, i hunted air molecules. Such fun, now going for a sci-fi action hit. Yet a sad one i think, the ending leaves audiences with never ending questions, and unsatisfaction. Chopped down some dead bamboo, and began making kendo sticks,  the breeze that took the dust after every swipe made a very dramatic effect. I was somebody else. Again, a few more strikes killed the bamboo, it snapped.... walked home under the sun today, well it was cloudy. Not to mention windy. The cool breeze brushed across my skin, caressed my hair, made my loose Tee danced; i felt like a star for a moment.  Yet another day, here i am sitting at the same spot thinking of times that seemed so fun or carefree not less than just 10 minutes ago. Before, the moods came in.... 

PS : You still not talking; why?

Spots

Thought my blog should have spots for a change. Been presenting my words in its old plain form for some time. The campus of time and records called me the other day, informing me of my recent mishap and amnesia of certain parts of my memory. Nothings boiling on the stove this time, yet I'm still here racing with time, or rather letting time slip by.  Words failed me, the hours ditched me; it wasn't after recent happenings that i summarized myself as being lost yet again.

Those peculiar moments in school, in which i hated so much for unknown reasons. Im stressing over things that may just as well non existence, unimportant. I love walking home these days, under the hot afternoon sun, letting its light slowly cook and bathe my skin with heat; Im not tanned, not one bit.  Like a sandwich, that looks rather not tanned yet cooked. Yes, Im cooked, awfully over-cooked. Time ticks and Im dreaming through as it worked. I rolled up a set of newspaper and started hunting flies that invaded my house. All that swoosh buckling action, almost too fit for a hollywood movie. The potential energy generated from the source of murderous intent made me triumph in my battle against the flies, but i have a feeling a round two is near. Somewhere over the rainbow, i sense a disturbance in the force.  

Pen and paper on my black desk gave me inspiration as i continue to imagine countless angles i could take if i had an awesome camera. Im crazy, Im crazy, Im crazy. But i love being crazy, having the feeling of absolute liberty and working towards an ideal dreams of an anarchist. 

Its the only thing i have that proved and reassured me i am nevertheless upmost different from the others or maybe perhaps the rest of the world. I know i don't want to be like them; i hate humans.

"If only something would deprive them of their selfishness; I have visions and dream of watching the world burn....." 

Pathetic Once Twice and Your OUT!!

The slight sizzling of soon to boil water in the pot upon the gas stove. By the comp trying to relive the moments in which i thought were once fun maybe better. "im hungry im hungry im hungry" Even my stomach's and thoughts aren't giving me any mercy. Food never seem enough these days, or rather im not eating much. Dog peed on the carpet. curtain, the floor. Mosquitoes feeding like little vampires, things are getting all complicated again...

LIfe in KL

Days that fly and dance like Rain

Water dripping from the pipes, the sound gave head a little twitch. The happenings of day made my head turn in may. I just love the way people live and talk. For some that loves and fell in love, their lives as sweet as honey with filled surprises. Sitting by the comp, the light from the screen reminds me yet blinded me a little of the numbness in life. Im numb afterall, maybe my dream is to be an anarchist.  Live a life bound to no rules, a life of total freedom...

I don't know, my hands are tied...

Seriously, sometimes i just try to take things easy. Smiling my way through things but still, things are just hard sometimes. This will be the first time, i write something about my life thats really private. Well guys, if your reading this, i would really appreciate that you could just read this over with a smile; and then forget about it.

Sometimes i just wish that i was born in a rather more simple family. Having a brother whose a bit special changed things a lot. Seriously, a brother whose really dependent on people; Im really really pressured sometimes. After-all, Im the eldest and it is my responsibility to take care of him. Not just for now, but in the future as well, throughout his life. His different from other kids, he may not be normal compared to others but his heart is just the same. I know his struggling a lot, but somehow he has shaped our family in many ways. I feel so tied up somehow, not to say Im selfish but sometimes i just feel like breaking down. Yet from time to time, i just wish he or i didn't exist. As you all may know, i have a very very bad temper, although its not easy for me to lose it but i just feel like i don't know, i can't say it.  why? Why can't i have a normal brother? Things are really difficult, there are so many things i can't share with people, since i was brought up in an environment where things are meant to be kept only to oneself. I have no choice. 

A roller coaster ride, i faced tremendous dramatic ups and downs. But Im still standing, I just don't know what Im feeling anymore. On one hand, my mum wants me to follow my dreams, but somehow i know i can't; cause i have my bro to take care of; my dreams requires me to travel a lot, touching a lot of people; possibly not much pay at all. I don't know, theres so many things i wana do, but when i thought of reality, BAM!! I just got a big tight slap in my face; i need to find something stable to do; not forgetting that i have a bro. 

I really hate the fact that i have a rather un-simple life, but sometimes.... haiz.  I love my family alot, really. Just that sometimes i need to let out what's inside my heart. My bro did his usual routine just now, lost my temper. haiz.... really im lost i don't know..... theres alot of things i don't know....haiz damn